nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, March 21, 2019

    my feelings cannot be hurt, sweet girlfriend 

    my girlfriend is the best but you would think by now that she would know me but she doesn’t which is weird.

    today is her only day off this week. i said what are we gonna do, this is great, what are we gonna do? its the middle of the week we can do anything: the beach the museums a long drive a short drive the stupid bloom JUST IMAGINE ALL THE FLOWERS WE CAN INSTAGRAM

    she looked at me, put on her yoga pants and went on a walk, alone. i sniffed under my arms. my cats yawned. i got a phone call from someone who maybe wants to give me money, who knows.

    when she got back i was all, how was yoga, she said i didnt go. i just needed to walk. i said i need to walk too why —

    she said i needed to walk alone, and now i need the house for like 3 hours by myself but i didnt want to hurt your feelings.

    i said baby im xbi, they tried to rip “feelings” from me on day 1 but they couldn’t find any. she looked at me like i was crazy. i said listen

    i was the only black kid in school, pretty much from kindergarten through high school. i was also a cub fan in the middle of the longest losing streak in sports history. i also went bald. i also got a homer simpson dad bod.

    i also chose the field of writing to plant my flag. and worse, i focused on poetry in college (a college that at the time had 2% black student enrollment)

    if i had feelings, i would have turned into a puddle of tears by now.

    but look at me, im fine. i have you. i have a great car. i have the last blog on earth. and the comments are open. if i had a thin skin do you think id have had open comments since 2001?

    it’s not the things that you say to me that “hurt,” it’s not trusting me enough to say them that disappoint me.

    my blood is enriched by Truth, girl, be honest with me and i am yours forever. not only can i handle it, but in this or in any relationship, if you honestly communicate with me i can make something good from that. there is nothing to fear by saying i need to be alone for a few hours. nothing. i can get my parking permit, i can go to the movies, i can get some soul food. i can solve a crime. the options are endless and maybe i should go out in the world alone for a few hours on a nice day in LA.

    but you need to start trusting that your needs are valuable and if i can make them come true i will, happily. so off i will go.

    how much of that will she truly take to heart? who knows. but i try.


  2. Wednesday, February 24, 2016

    boy did we eat good today 

    dunkin donuts

    first a fancy magazine or tv show sent us a bunch of donuts from dunkin donuts

    which just opened on hollywood blvd just east of vine.

    everyone needs to fit into their oscar dresses and tuxes so strangely this is torture for some

    like me. i only ate a bite of the chocolate one.


    work gave us some some gift cards for the california pizza kitchen

    our server was Don who seriously couldnt have been nicer and we wanted to do all these sorts of things that would make most waiters and waitresses at least roll their eyes

    old don was all, oh you want separate checks except for these two, and you want another order to go, also on a separate check and you all have gift cards?

    iron manno problemo.

    thanks Don!

    i bet he secretly owns CPK.

    do you own CPK, Don?

    got back from lunch and iron man got stuck in the wall trying to get at the left over donuts.

    security is super tight and only getting tighter as we get closer to the show.

    heard some secrets about the show and you know im starting to think that thats the best compliment ever

    if you tell me a secret, especially some big ones that some would love to know, and you dont say things like

    this is just between us

    because OBVS its just between us

    then that means you trust me, which you should, which to me is the best

    maybe having that job in sales when i was in college gave me the impression that no one will ever trust you, and maybe that was just a shady place and i was super young and i was asking them for basically all of their money for things like $1,000 vcrs and $1,500 cd players. maybe not everyone is going to believe you when you tell them that theyve gotta buy it.


    anyways the shows gonna be killer and you probably shouldnt miss it.