nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, February 2, 2020

    yr not in kansas any more 

    The funniest Super Bowl commercial was the one in support for more funding for public schools.

    Why? Because since he was a lad, Donald Trump was enrolled in private schools and since graduating has bankrupted numerous businesses, has been impeached and today flaunted that he doesn’t even know what state the Kansas City Chiefs play in.

    Former Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill, a product of public schools, tweeted: “It’s Missouri you stone cold idiot.”

    As my man Joe Armstrong notes, “671,018 Kansas residents voted for Donald in the 2016 election, bestowing upon him the state’s six electoral votes with 56.16% of the vote.”

    Kansas hasn’t voted for a Democrat for POTUS since LBJ. Would be interesting if this gaff during their moment of celebration, swings the state blue in 2020.

  2. Monday, September 2, 2019

    today in cub twitter 

    Anthony Rizzo has played over 1,200 innings in the majors.

    A giant majority of that time was as a first baseman.

    Over the course of the last few years he has spent a total of 5 innings as a second baseman… on a technicality.

    occasionally Joe Maddon positions players very aggressively on bunts. Rizzo is positioned ridiculously close to home and the true second baseman covers first.

    Because he is basically to the side of the pitcher’s mound during the pitch,

    MLB rules say Rizzo can’t use a first baseman’s glove because those are only used for the player closest to first.

    He exchanges his huge glove with the second baseman for a normal sized one.

    During those outs, he’s being recorded as a second baseman.

    They are rare.

    Extremely rare.

    The Cubs have done that zero times this season so far.

    But Rizzo, always the jokester, identifies himself as a first AND second baseman on his Twitter bio.

  3. Thursday, August 8, 2019

    Today in Corporate Tweeting: SoulCycle 

    A pinned tweet is one that you want to stay up top so that every visitor sees it first when they click your username.

    A Ratio is when you get fewer likes than comments. This typically happens when the audience is ripping you a new one in disagreement with your tweet. 

    Therefore, should you pin a tweet you’re getting hammered on? Isn’t that defeating the purpose of your “nah bro, everything’s cool” message… because the Ratio is proving that everything is clearly not cool and you didn’t put out the fire – you enflamed it?

    The reason, by the way, that this tweet is getting demolished is bc it’s being accused as being untrue.

    The billionaire hosting the Trump2020 fundraiser is not a “a passive investor,” according to NYT columnist and CNBC Squawk Box co-host.

    If the gentleman is incorrect, set it straight in a new tweet and pin That.

    As the great Doc Searls said years ago in Cluetrain Manifesto, “markets are a conversation.” A pinned tweet acts like a mic drop – the end of a conversation. The ratio begs to differ. Soul Cycle should address the ratio, and clarify its clarification if it can.

  4. Tuesday, October 10, 2017

    social media is the thing people still don’t know how to feel about 

    the other day ESPN, a channel sports fans like me have loved since its inception, suspended a

    sports analyst

    for tweeting her opinions about something happening in sports.

    to be specific, she was tweeting about an ongoing NFL protest where a handful of players are kneeling during the National Anthem to bring attention to the fact that police are killing black people, many of whom are unarmed, and not paying a price for their crimes.

    companies for eons have had the upper hand on the public voices of their employees but once blogging and now Twitter have risen up, the companies are panicked because OMG what happens if an employee tweets something controversial?

    the double edged sword of social media is people are either posting things benign like pictures of puppies or babies, or extremely controversial items like their feelings about politics.

    what these companies dont realize or want to agree to is that Control is an Illusion. and when you suspend an analyst for analyzing you look a bit hypocritical – especially when many public-facing personalities are being judged by how many twitter followers they have.

    look no further than our president who was praised by the mavericky way he was able to reach out to his millions of followers on twitter and speak his mind.

    so it’s a bit odd when the leader of the free world can tweet whatever he wants, but the people in the free world are punished for it.

    that dynamic is what the original europeans who settled here were escaping from: royal tyranny

    this country, stolen from the native americans, was built on the idea that one could express their feelings – particularly about issues of The State – without being punished.

    for if the people cannot speak truth to power in America

    the home of the brave

    on any platform, from blogs to tweets,

    then we have bigger issues than police murdering people in cold blood.

    which is fucking crazy.

  5. Sunday, October 30, 2016
  6. Thursday, September 29, 2016

    why journalists shouldnt worry about how many friends they have online 


    this week i saw people who have 60,000 twitter followers who averaged 2 likes on each of their tweets

    and i saw a couple of people with 500 followers who had a tweet retweeted 8,000 times.

    there is a quiet elegance about what happens on twitter where

    you have to produce.

    just because youre someones favorite tv star or soccer player or dumbass

    people arent going to retweet you unless they love what you said and they want their friends to see it.

    thats it.

    so even if marilyn monroe was around, people might “like” a tweet she put out there, even if it was crap

    but if she totally busted with some wisdom

    or posted a picture of a particularly adorable kitten

    she’d get some damn retweets.

    journalists should worry about doing their job first and foremost.

    then they should tweet it out 3 or 4 times with a variety of super fascinating headlines.

    one of em will catch if it’s a good story.

    and guess what, if no one is retweeting your stuff,

    don’t worry about it. some people are working and dont have time for fucking twitter.

  7. Wednesday, August 24, 2016

    the cincinnati zoo killed its twitter just like they killed Harambe 

    cincy zooeven though i have been doing social media for a long time, i dont fancy myself as an expert.

    sure there are some who call themselves Social Media Gurus but i have always thought that was a not-so-subtle way to belittle the profession by not equating it to what other people do in similar jobs.

    i prefer Social Media Editor or Social Media Director.

    or in my case, Prince of Darkness.

    which brings us to the Cincinnati Zoo, who you may know as the establishment that found its way into the news cycle in May of this year when a 3-year-old child ended up in the cage of a giant gorilla named Harambe.

    all the photos and videos showed the gorilla being kind to the little kid as he dragged him toward a moat. within minutes, zoo officials shot and killed the gorilla.

    the child was found to be unhurt. and the internet erupted in anger and sadness at the zoo for killing the beautiful animal who did nothing wrong.  over a half million signatures were gathered in days demanding Justice for Harambe. donations were raised for the family of the child but the family re-directed them to the zoo.

    which brings us to the Cincinnati Zoo’s Twitter account which has been the target of Harambe fans, particularly young fans who couldnt give a crap about Clinton or Trump but who care very much about the dead gorilla who was executed because of a curious three year old whose parents looked the other way for a brief second.

    over the last few months, any time the Zoo would post something on Twitter, the replies would quickly fly in to make it something about the dead ape.

    if the zoo wrote about an Otter, fans would reply by tweeting “Harambe loved otters”.

    repliesif the zoo tweeted about a weasel, the Twitterverse would reply by stating how much Harambe fucking adored all of his rodent friends.

    at one point the Zoo had enough and pleaded for the madness to end, but you can’t tell the Internet what to do any more than you can tell a gorilla not to eat a banana.

    so today the Zoo did the absolute worst thing it could do in this situation,

    they decided to delete the troublesome Twitter account.

    and the response was predictably brilliant.

    “the @CincinnatiZoo killed its Twitter, just like how they killed Harambe,” the kids tweeted.

    some are taking it a step further by writing

    “the @CincinnatiZoo just Harambed their Twitter just like how they Harambed Harambe.”

    because this world is so complex and confusing, it’s hard to really KNOW anything.

    but one thing we know for sure is Harambe loved Twitter especially the Cincinnati Zoo’s twitter account because that was the first place to feature him.

    and even though i’m no expert, even i know you don’t delete your account because people are interacting with you. Interaction is what it’s all about! if you were a sailor on a sailboat and all of a sudden there’s a lot of wind you don’t stop sailing. You sail faster! You thank the Lord for the wind and you zip around that ocean like crazy.

    what the kids were doing was loving one of your animals. Let them do it! Include them! Join in the weird mourning. Make every other post about how much Harambe loved weasels and goats and giraffes and tiger sharks.

    don’t quit.

    not even donald trump quits.

    never quit!

    did Harambe quit?!

    we were put on this crust to rock. in some cases we were put here to rock out with our cocks out. or in this case we celebrate by saying #DicksOutForHarambe

    which is Latin for #WeMissYouBub

    (Harambe loved Latin)

    so in summary, stop killing zoo animals and stop deleting your social media feeds no matter who tweets at you.

    all they’re doing is expressing love.

  8. Thursday, June 23, 2016

    shout out to the inventors of periscope 

    periscope founderswhen kayvon beykpour and joe bernstein invented periscope, the simple way to record and stream video through a mobile device,

    they probably never thought that their little app would find its way in the Well of the House of Representatives so lawmakers could document their peaceful protest after that brave Republican Paul Ryan shut down the C-SPAN cameras

    because he’s such a great leader

    and should probably be president of the united states.

    a few years ago periscope was acquired by Twitter which was a match made in digital Heaven because periscope piggybacks perfectly on twitter, alerting all of your twitter followers that you are broadcasting

    which is what happened yesterday when a few of the Congresspeople realized that they could bypass the Speaker Ryan bravery by simply broadcasting themselves

    from their phones.

    i dont know why kayvon beykpour and joe bernstein arent doing a victory lap around tv shows right now

    their invention helped make the #holdthefloor protest something that people around the world could see

    even the courageous Paul Ryan who probably watched it on CSPAN

    (who, once their cameras were shut off by the GOP, linked up to the periscope feed and broadcasted that).

    bros deserve some props today.

    the busblog salutes them.

  9. Saturday, March 12, 2016

    i have many faults 

    gwen stefaniand one of them is that when someone calls me out on twitter or facebook or whereever, i have a very hard time ignoring them.

    as a gentleman, i believe it’s proper form to return a volley

    but last night something interesting happened. a troll who had trolled me once before was up to his old tricks and every now and then id pull over and reply to his nonsense.

    early in the conversation i realized that he had 68 followers, which is nearly impossible.

    just by signing up and alerting all of your “friends” you should immediately have a few hundred followers

    unless you are full of crap and not who you claim to be.

    so instead of engaging him with his bizarre attempt at mockery as he suggested i was unemployed and collecting benefits, i told him that those were exactly the types of things that prevents one from having a healthy twitter presence and that i would like to enter into a wager with him that my two adorable cats could gain a larger twitter following in a week than this fellow currently has.

    i drove and moved on but an hour or two later a friend asked he who was that troll? so i checked his twitter to see if he had said something new to inspire that question, when i discovered he had completely deleted his account!

    and then it occurred to me what i had suspected all along: if you have fewer than 200 followers you are probably a fraud or a phony or someone up to no good and you should be ignored. this man “Dan” had obviously created the account to rant at strangers and then when the going gets tough he deletes his deal and runs home.

    what a waste of time for all parties involved.

    so thats my new rule: no bickering with fools with less than 250 followers because it’s probably dick cheney.

  10. Wednesday, October 28, 2015