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nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, May 18, 2014

    Ate and drank tons at the vegan beer fest 

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    daria peer pressured me into going and sorry but im a midwestern man you cant say vegan and then say beer and think im going

    but my man andy sternberg was involved and all the cool kids on the sunset strip

    and i realized it would probably be the one place the xbi wouldnt be snooping around

    tonys

    and of course, there would be beer.

    bootleg

    lots of beer

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    beers from around the world of all styles waiting to get into my belly.

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    there was also food, white folk, and hats because it was still a tad on the warm side, thus the beer served another function

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    it was held on the weird dirt spot on sunset near the Roxy which has always interested me.

    shouldnt there be a huge rock n roll hotel on that land called Lemmy’s Motel 666 or something?

    and then be secretly luxurious and classy inside while at the same time welcoming to harley riders and loose women

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    there were bands there like Hes My Brother Shes My Sister which were great background music because all u can drink beer

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    id heard of some of these beers and i still dont know what makes them vegan (maybe how they filter it? who cares.)

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    surprise of the day a place called Do Me’s has a vegan Big Mac. at the restaurant its on the secret menu. at the fest it was $12

    its so big you have to split it at a place like the fest but so what, its amazing and yes better than the original.

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    another very nice surprise was running into KPCC science reporter Sanden Totten and his charming girlfriend Kathy

    Sanden, bless his heart, brought a box of plastic zip lock baggies so ppl could take their food home

    he was offering them up to everyone and they were all omg omg yes thank you omg

    genius idea and i ended up with two bags filled with foods i gorged on later

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    this dude was working at the Sierra Nevada tent and ran over to show me his tattoo.

    2016, i told him, hang in there just a little longer.

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    we met a lovely pair from Bakersfield. bro is in a ska band and miss bakersfield couldnt have been sweeter

    turns out shes a Gaucho and vinyl collector. she picked up this LP in between beers.

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    kept forgetting there were bands. i think Ozzy came out for a few songs and spit a bunch of vegan jello into the crowd.

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    its impossible to take a bad pic of mark’s beautiful gf esther but i did. andy did a great job of being the living example of a good diet

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    and i ate vegan tacos made of sunflower seeds and chicken wings made of spicy ass cauliflower

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    lessons learned: vegan food may be alien and weird and “natural” and “good for you”, but it should be treated like any other foods.

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    a wise brand will emblazon their logo on Zip Lock bags at next year’s vegan beer fest

    because the vegan leftovers were better than regular left overs because they dont deteriorate into greasy lump balls.

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    no matter where you go, there will be Gauchos, probably drinking.

    crowded

    and finally: there is value in the VIP ticket. it was shadier, and you were able to drink an hour earlier.

    you wouldnt think that either of those things are big deals until youre sweating into your vegan twinkees

    and when you realize theres only a half hour left to drink.

    so yes, getting there early and maybe bringing a parasol isnt a bad idea.

    free chips

    one day the vegan beer festival will be at the Rose Bowl or at UCLAs practice field

    or at Grand Park or somewhere thats not an abandoned dirt lot on the strip and you sit on bales of hay.

    and we’ll say remember what life was like before Exxon handed out to-go baggies?

    it was delicious and hot and sunny and nice and even the hangover wasnt so bad.

     

  2. Saturday, June 23, 2012
  3. Wednesday, May 16, 2012

    robin quivers has a mass ‘as big as a grapefruit’ near her bladder 

    howard stern’s long time radio sidekick robin quivers said on the show that doctors discovered a 5-inch mass near her bladder.

    said Quivers:

    “[The doctor] lowered the boom. He took me out. I was devastated… [Sirius executive] Tim [Sabean] called me right after I left his office. I was a mess… America’s Got Talet was coming on… I wanted you [Howard] to enjoy the show… He went along this line of what they might have to do in order to remove this… I saw it… It’s as big as a grapefruit… Some of the outcomes are not that good… It’s not a death thing… but those outcomes aren’t acceptable to me… I don’t want to talk about it.”

    Yesterday Howard asked Robin why she wasn’t available when he called her Monday after the show.

    Robin, 59, said, “You must have called the phone that was left in Pittsburgh. I was busy all day with testing.”

    In the middle of Monday’s show Robin told Howard and the listeners that she was wearing a “pee bag” to which Howard said, “Boy we are geting old.”

    Robin said, “I’m wearing a catheter. So when you see me, I’m peeing. It just constantly goes.”

    Quivers has been a vegan for a number of years which includes a liquid diet that has been joked about on the show involving “green drinks”. shes also been known to travel around the world on spiritual journeys.

    when robin isn’t in the studio the show loses its balance and turns into a frat house, howard has admitted.

    she is the secret weapon to America’s most popular radio show of all time.

    she will certainly be in my prayers tonight.

  4. Monday, December 5, 2011

    a look back at 2011: january 

    by Geoff Boucher
    jan 1 – of my five new years resolutions, number one was not to buy a tv – success!

    i also had a great idea to watch a movie a day and write a 1 sentence review – fail!

    david bowie on snl
    jan 2 – finally found a lost SNL david bowie performance that had resurfaced on Netflix

    downtown la via an iphone
    jan 5, while eating pho with Sarah i admitted the following
    “im the only born again christian i know who has every bad religion record.”

    not the bathroom
    jan 8 – took a picture of the scandalous standard downtown bathroom where DJ Scott Sterling was jamming


    jan 9 – a nice collection of my desks at work over the last 10 years


    jan 10 – had a nice sushi lunch with jeanine, who i love


    jan 11 – my boss told me to start losing weight, and write about it every day in the LA Times health blog. so i did.

    it was also Ashley’s 24th birthday, who i miss a lot


    jan 12 – i learn that all my favorite foods are bad for me & make me fat


    jan 13 – my poops are showing me how much healthier i am


    jan 14 – shepard fairey unveils a new print. i obey and buy one.


    jan 15 – i start a regular stair climbing thing with the editor of livestrong, a gaucho


    jan 16 – bears win the divisional playoff vs the seahawks. its 11 degrees at soldier field


    jan 17 – “if Jesus was able to do everything he did and then peace out at such a relatively young age (especially compared to other bible characters, many of whom lived well past 100) then isn’t ‘old age’ exactly what we fear: worthless.”

    sonic youth
    jan 18 – it was 84 degrees, mlk day, and karisa wanted to go to the beach. thus, photo essay


    jan 19 – i buy a scanner.


    jan 20 – lindsay notices that im starving, and offers me some vegan pizza


    jan 21 – i interview my stomach in the los angeles times and use this photo. women suddenly want to date me. sadly the photo is soon removed.


    jan 22 – i see rock bands play in a museum


    jan 23 – terry bradshaw thinks the bears can beat the packers at lambeau in the playoffs (terry aint bright).


    jan 24 – i realize i subscribe to 25 magazines


    jan 25 – ali and i see wanda jackson with jack white. great great show. i write about temptations on the la times.


    jan 27 – so not tempted by these cupcakes

    ali after monotonix
    jan 28 – ali and i see monotonix at the echoplex, notice how her soul was refreshed by the experience. beforehand i got to interview the lead dude and print it in pop & hiss.


    jan 29 – the first of many times in 2011 where i consider visiting chile

  5. Wednesday, October 12, 2011

    know what rhymes with a sushi place with cute little boats of sushi floating by? 

    fly in my sushi

    hey bro does that look like a super dooper happy and now sleeping fly?

    ok so that isnt the best rhyme but whatevs, it was decent fish and i’ll be back.

    it was 100 degrees today in LA just like what Jackie Johnson promised.

    98 degrees

    i love LA when its hot but heres what i dont like

    i dont like strip malls that have a mini Post Office

    and a mini Postal Store 200 feet away from each other.

    heres why: dudes like me will type in “post office” in google maps and murphys law

    will walk into the Postal Store instead of the Post Office

    thus when i waltz in attempting to buy a stamp to send a letter across town

    i will get charged 75 cents from the store owner trying to make a profit on stamps.

    “yes but i only want a normal stamp,” says i.

    “yep, normal stamp 75,” says he as he unpeels the forever stamp, places it on my envelope

    and pats it down professionally,

    in a manner that says “this pat alone is worth the extra 31 cents.”

    fly in my boat in sushi

    100 degree temps

    overpriced stamps.

    i clearly need some organic beer at a neux veux vegan brewery that has valet.

    mohawk blend, here i come!

  6. Thursday, July 28, 2011

    Dear Los Angeles Times, you rock 

    From: Pierce, Tony
    Sent: Wednesday, July 27, 2011 4:38 PM
    To: yyeditall; yylatbloggers
    Subject: Dear LA Times, you rock

    Dear Los Angeles Times,

    I don’t think you realize, but years ago, I used to have a pretty successful personal blog.

    And on that blog, every now and then, I’d write a post that would start

    “Dear LA Times, you suck…”

    And I would go off on how I would change things if only the Times would hire me to blog.

    True story.

    The readers loved it because who doesn’t love a profanity laden rant by a nobody as he shakes his fist at The Man?

    One day I got the nerve to actually write the LA Times. The unlikely victim was Meredith Artley who was running the web site at the time.

    I was running an upstart local blog, LAist, who just had a month so big that it had quadrupled theTimes’ most popular blog.

    I wrote in part, “I don’t know what the word is after quadruple, but if you don’t hire me I’m gonna have to learn it.”

    Because life is fascinating, I was hired not to write on one blog but to run all the blogs at the LA Times.

    As the kids say: omgwtf. As my mother says, “be careful what you wish for.”

    Those days all of the blogs at the Times added up to 3 million pageviews a month. In March, as you know, blogs accounted for about 72 million pageviews that month.

    When I was invited to go into an office today, I was told that the LA Times no longer needs a Blog Editor.

    One might think, how can the one part of the Times that has consistently shown record-breaking growth month after month, and year after year, not need someone whose sole agenda is looking out for the best interest of those blogs?

    Especially if that part is the part that everyone agrees is the future of the company, if not the heart of its present?

    Continue reading “Dear Los Angeles Times, you rock”

  7. Thursday, March 3, 2011

    happy birthday Lindsay 

    she loves animals

    Today is Linday’s birthday. She’s 24. Technically she’s my assistant. But usually I do my best to stay out of her way because she’s amazing and too many others get in her way. So I try to block a path for her so she can rule harder.

    Lindsay is a vegan because she loves animals. I love animals too, so much so that I eat them. Lindsay doesn’t love them in that way. She loves them as friends.

    Rarely have we been able to dine with her, as work chums often do, because there are very few vegan diners around our office. But one pizza place started making vegan pizza starring magical vegan cheese.

    So your girl Sarah IMed me and was all whattya gonna do for Lindsays bday. I said you are going to very quietly go over to Pitfire and pick up some vegan pizzas and come up here.

    Sarah did just that. When she approached we started singing Happy Birthday. My man Bryan Chan took this picture of all of us singing to the seated Lindsay. And we all ate pizza and said nice things about todays birthday girl who we miss today as she is spending the afternoon at the Happiest Place on Earth.

    Happy birthday Lindsay!

     

  8. Tuesday, February 15, 2011
  9. Wednesday, November 24, 2010

    believe it or not but im sorta a boss 

    whats funny is no one really listens to me.

    almost everywhere ive worked before a good boss lets the people leave early on Thanksgiving Wednesday

    and so the small amount of people that i can tell to go home early hardly ever do!

    its very frustrating.

    so today i have a secret plot.

    i am very very thankful for all of the people i get to work with, but the peeps in my immediate proximity save my butt and make magic happen pretty much every day

    so since they probably wont go home early today i am going to take them to a special lunch.

    and since the one person who has had to report to me the longest is a vegan, today we’re going to go to one of her favorite vegan restaurants.

    then there will be cupcakes.

  10. Thursday, August 19, 2010

    weird thing about sitting next to a vegan for almost three years 

    is you learn so much

    animal blogger Lindsay B shared an office with me when we were on the 5th floor, and now that we are on the 3rd floor newsroom i have learned tons about animal rights groups, the strict rules of veganism, and what animal activists love and hate.

    one thing i learned was animal groups hate it when animals appear in commercials. their argument is that in order to train animals to do the tricks that ad companies want, the creatures are typically ripped from their mothers at early ages and often abused into learning the commands and tricks.

    so a few weeks ago when i saw the ad above for the Dodge Tent Event that ended in a little chimp dressed up like Evel Knievel i chuckled and thought “omg i have to ask Lindsay what the activists will think of this.”

    the next day i showed her the ad and asked her to write to her contact at PETA for a quote. she got the quote, and a few days later she got a second email saying that PETA was happy to report that Dodge was going to alter the ad.

    coincidence?

    then recently we saw the new spot and i thought to myself – did Lindsay and I really influence a car manufacturer to do something? Dodge says that it got two emails, one from PETA and one from a chimpanzee rights group, but something tells me that part of the email may have said that the Times noticed the ad and is curious whats going on over there.

    im ok believing it was a coincidence. and im totally ok with the altered ad, which can be seen here. our original post is here.