nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, June 23, 2019

    i think i wrote a good cover letter, but who knows 

    i feel like they could take it two ways:

    this guy’s a huge jerk, screw him


    hey this guy is awesome, let’s call him to see if he really is and if he’s not, screw him, or if he is then let’s let him do his thing and see if it’s all true.

    fortunately it’s all true.

    fortunately, even though i was intimidated when i first walked into the daily nexus

    that the next time i only stuck my head in with my printed out article and then ran back to the dorms as fast as i could

    fortunately i was in the right place at the right time surrounded with the best people alive and we were all ready to rock and we did, together, every day we could, day and night

    and we made each other better and better and still do to this day in one way or another and i believe that that just doesnt happen in college, that it can happen again and again in life.

    i feel like i helped build a pretty good team at the dot com and another at LAist and another at the next place. i dont think that was luck. i think when you are in the right place with the right people magic happens.

    as designed.

    you need the right sunlight and love and trust and good vibes and you shake all of that up and

    hello cleveland.

    the chorus in my head keep telling me the most negative things, but it took a few months to go from this to that the last time and the time before that and patience grasshopper, patience.

    in the meantime, i may get a doctor’s outfit, like a long coat and an old school mirror they used to put on their heads. and long white pants and black shoes. and i will have a sign that says, tourists, ask me anything. i can help.

    and i want to have a pad of paper, like what doctors hand you with your prescription to give to the drug store.

    and when a tourist says i want some good chinese food in westwood or a good place to buy records other than ameoba, i will write down the name of the store, use my phone to get the address, and hand it to the person. if they tip, fine, if not, fine. who cares. maybe i’ll sit on a bench on venice beach and just consult tourists for free.

    because i would have loved to have run into a “doctor” like that while on vacation.


  2. Saturday, December 12, 2015
  3. Friday, May 23, 2014

    mary, the biggest party girl on the wessside, had recently escaped rehab 


    i hadnt seen her in a while. i was at coachella when she told me she was entering a swanky beachside facility for a month.

    a few weeks ago she texted me saying i need an uber i gotta get out of this place.

    apparently the beachside malibu resort-style valhalla was too much for her.

    the trips to trader joes, the massages, the kingsized suite wasn’t what she hoped for

    what she really wanted was to see her beloved dog and sleep in her own bed and get back to work.

    she also wanted to turn over a new leaf, stop hanging out with the party people in her life

    and start doing more wholesome, healthy pursuits like throwing dinner parties with miss universe contestants

    like me and my buddy todd.



    im not a dinner party expert and when mary said all you have to do is wash the dishes, the girls and i will cook i was all, should i bring pie?

    apparently im the last person in LA who eats pie.

    so she sent me a text with a photo of a certain black raspberry chocolate chip ice cream and said i could bring that

    ah yes, talenti gelato.

    we grilled fish, steak, miss greece arrived with kale and watermelon, two delightful sisters were there

    the conversations were spicy and real, and mary shared stories with us about kicking the habit.

    before we knew it it was midnight and todd had to run home to feed his cat.

    was i obnoxious? duh. will i get invited back next time? probably not.

    but i did help dry the dishes and it was really nice to see mary dialed down a notch or two

    and seemingly healthier and happier, which is what its all about.

    ps that gelato was amazing.

  4. Thursday, February 21, 2013

    your girl mary (pictured) felt bad for me losing my job 

    mary and friendsso she treated me last night at my favorite restaurant.

    we ate drank and were mary.

    peter was there and stoked us with fancy fresh fish.

    the soft shelled crab was perfectly adorned with pretty sauces.

    the college kids slurped their pho and looked enviously at our feast.

    and of course the high rollers drank and drank and ignored the laker game.

    it was nice. marys nice. she means no harm. she’s like snoop: la di da di, we wanna party

    afterwards drove to abbot kinney for a little afterparty she knew about

    met some interesting people who like inglewood were up to no good.

    venice has always held a special place in my heart.

    after i found myself looking for my first apartment ever, i ended up on Innes Place

    which was about two blocks from the beach and right in the middle of venice being up to no good.

    teenage tony was not ready for that back then and politely peaced out.

    especially being straight off the boat from the midwest like i was back then.

    plus i could barely skateboard.

    AK has def changed since back then.

    not sure if its for the better, but what can you do.

    we’ll always have isla vista.

  5. Wednesday, February 6, 2013

    the hard part’s telling your mom 


    she always thinks the xbi is behind everything.

    they just want you to fly that stupid helicopter, she said.

    if its true, which it isnt, its nice to feel wanted, isnt it, i asked.

    “havent they heard of drones!?!?”

    i told her about my idea to paint paintings on venice beach.

    20 paintings at $20 each would be way more than im making now.

    she said, you’ll get skin cancer

    i said, i’ll be dressed like Darth Vader

    she said people are afraid of Darth Vader

    i said, i’ll have a puppy there.

    she said, you figured that out as you drove home?

    i said, i had the twitter feed set up while i pumped my gas.

    then she said, and i quote,

    this is a very bad idea.

    so now i gotta get two puppies i guess.


  6. Monday, December 10, 2012
  7. Monday, October 1, 2012

    a look back at september 2012 

    hayleys wedding

    9/1 hayley got married and tsar played with nerfherder in what i can easily say was the fullest day of the month

    thank you x andy warhol

    9/4 sometimes the words of the prophets are written on the studio walls. sometimes they’re outside.


    9/5 ali and i had the hottest jungle curry ever served in thai town. it gave us both the most vivid and crazy dreams: even before we went to sleep!

    ali sarah julie and busblog at the roosevelt
    krista and her fans

    9/6 krista, the now super famous judge from Top Chef had a viewing party at the roosevelt and the food was gooooooood

    9/7 mother nature tapped the side of the tv set to get a clearer picture

    bear in montrose
    9/8 actual nature decided to say hi to the nice people of LA

    9/9 everyones always gonna remember the photo of obama getting the bear hug from the pizza man
    but if you ask me, this picture of biden with the motorcycle club was even better

    sonic youth

    9/10 the sonic youth discography gets rated for posterity

    by Geoff Boucher
    9/11 Geoff Boucher confirms via Twitter to berry faced Ralph that he’s leaving the LA Times

    marilyn gwen dodgers

    9/12 went to venice beach, ran into a fan, bought some tshirts, god bless venice

    dumbass mary and karisa on marys birthday

    9/13 it was marys birthday so we did everything illegally, inappropriately, and immorally. then we ate.

    shirts for sale in venice

    9/14 how to do it right

    yellow tail chile pepper

    9/14 jeanine returns to america

    hives at the wiltern

    9/15 saw the hives at the wiltern with ali. cant wait for them to get over their stagefright.

    danielle in my camaro

    9/16 danielle came up from san dieger to see sea wolf with me and i met her ma and sis and we noshed.

    9/18 i was on one of the few brand martinez shows ever. (i was nervous).

    bathroom shower

    9/19 no one really tried (and failed) to break into my house through the shower window and then back door.

    kanpai bill

    9/21 karisa and i went to the best sushi joint in town and saw history being made

    dinner party

    9/25 aj was in town, emilio was in town, ken layne was in town so os and kim had a dinner party

    dope smokin hotdog salesman

    9/27 emilio and i cruised around hollywood blvd and met all sorts of people. there was a pretty girl contest and a hot dog salesman dope smoking contest being held on the same side of the street.

    taco truck

    9/26 this was the scene in the parking lot of the coin laundry i was utilizing. tacos were fantastique, btw.

    9/27 somehow a tape of a deposition lil wayne gave was released. someone’s mom was not at all impressed:

    “I don’t know anything about him but after seeing that video, I don’t like him AT ALL!! The juge should be disbarred for letting him be so disrespectful. Judge Judy would not have taken that crap!”

    9/29 met a venice palmreader “i gave her ten and she unfurled her grizzled paw.”

    new iphone 5

    9/30 hey tony, what do i do when people act a fool?

  8. Tuesday, July 5, 2011
  9. Monday, July 4, 2011

    the question is whether or not to tell the truth 

    but why not spin fabulous fables when youve been given the clue of nothing in here is true

    in that case i had a fantastic fourth.

    best one ever.

    spent it at the beach with friends, ate drank, was merry.

    one nice thing about venice beach – they are always a step ahead with fashion trends

    this store was called Le Douchebaggarie

    my first apartment was in venice way back in the day.

    a lot has changed.

    for example, foot jewelry is way more prevalent now.

    its like, errrywhere.

    there was this 6 story high motel right on the beach. no one real ever owned it.

    like it could have been the greatest best western, but it was always just a little run down and not what you wanted

    despite its perfect location and spectacular views.

    then one day someone bought it, put a roof bar up there, and named it


    turned out to be a great place to see fireworks.

    and drink

    and later ride our bicycles home.

    i believe i will be returning there throughout the summer.