nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, March 15, 2017

    pretty girl canceled on me yesterday 


    how is that possible?

    and this isnt her first time either.

    i know ive gained weight, lost some hair, let myself go a little.

    but deep down im still capable of magic.

    or at least illusions.

    later in the night she was texting me and she dropped in a little joke.

    she sent me a picture of an old man and said she had had sex with him that afternoon.

    now i am a man with a vivid imagination and even though nothing in Here is true,

    one thing ive learned from Real Life is anythings possible.

    so i believed her.

    and i texted “tell me more”

    time passed and she did not tell me more, it just hung there like a wedding day fart

    just lofting over the congregation.

    wafting, hovering, weirdly getting larger and danker and more eerie.

    it became so large it grew hair on its chin and knuckles

    it bought a top hat and gloves, someone put a petunia in its lapel

    its fingernails grew and yellowed and curled.

    it became so large a representative from Jenny Craig left a leaflet on its door.

    and then she admitted that she was just kidding


    and i said, baby fine as you are you can do whatever you want with your body

    just be careful what you do on days when you cancel on me

    because that will disturb my disposition.

    she apologized, sent nudes, and assured me of my place in her world.

    still not sure if that old guy got any

    but for today, we’ll trust in the universe

  2. Wednesday, March 8, 2017

    today is international womens day 

    whats supposed to happen is all the ladies are supposed to go on strike and not buy anything.

    even on their day they’re being told what to do.

    now i could sit here and make a big long list of all the women who have supported me in one way or another or who gave me a break to go do my thing or who have shown me love in various ways.

    but in a way that would be making this about me. it’s not. today is about them.

    the women.

    who weirdly are the majority of this country and yet they are treated like theyre not.

    here’s the thing i dont understand. rape.

    i have a niece who in a few years will be at college. hopefully she will choose the university of california, isla vista, which is a little slice of heaven on earth

    but just like most universities, 1 out of every 3 women are sexually assaulted there.


    rape should have a mandatory minimum sentence of 5 years in jail. something tells me that might put a dent in terrible situation. maybe add this: if you rape again you get 15 years. rape again, life in prison.

    women, the majority, should not have to fear walking down the street.

    in america.

    the beautiful.

    the alleged land of the free.

    if theres one gift men, who are in power, could give to our mothers and sisters and daughters and nieces, it would be actual safe streets. is that too hard? if it is then maybe we need to get out of power for a little while.

    something tells me if the roles were reversed and instead of  the US Senate having 21 female senators, it had 79… something tells me there would be mandatory minimums with rape convictions, women’s health would not be something we ever debated, and our country would be a lot more civil.

    And peaceful

    and loving

    and caring

    and smart.

    Sadly men would never allow it.

  3. Friday, September 5, 2014

    i like that she sometimes leaves her dresses here 

    new dress

    but it makes me wonder what she wore home.

    women are mysteries.

    do they not want to appear to be taking the “walk of shame”?

    the other day i discovered the Uber of shame.

    nice guy walked his super hot girl out to the curb, i picked her up. he hugged her and asked me if i had the address to drop her off.

    she crawled into the back seat, high high heels, short short dress

    false eyelashes totally abused

    she tapped tapped on her iphone the whole ride, every now and then looking out the window.

    never talking to me. so skinny.

    i wondered if she was a girl he had met at the club the night before.

    or something more scandalous.

    but then i remembered the hug.

    we drove from koreatown to around USC. she was the daintiest asian.

    and my esp was totally not in tune. such a mystery. maybe it was better that way.

    maybe everythings better that way.