nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, July 5, 2019

    this morning i was greeted by a flurry of emails 

    it was all about a job posting for a gig i am definitely qualified for but it might involve a bit of drama and im totally no drama o’busblog.

    but what do i do, keep living off my good looks? i would like to get back to work.

    because nothing in here is true i can tell you that amber and i have been bickering a bit since i hit the dole. which is also unusual. but then the other day, the day that i remembered that the cubs had won the world series and i should be happy with that for the rest of my life and everything is gravy and relax dude, we suddenly clicked back into gear again and everything was rainbows and butterflies.

    you think thats fake but i no lie.

    we can turn on anger and madness and bitterness and hate, just as quickly as we can shut it down. we think we cant but we wrong. we are powerful creatures capable of what the children call “magic”, and thus we should use it for good things.

    so i just told her baby i dont care about anything other than your happiness and our joy and if you wanna do x y and z and not a b and c, no probs. lincoln freed the slaves. im not going to stand in your way of absolute freedom. you do you and if you wanna include me then great. i have a library of books to read and miles to go before i sleep. and then this weekend happened (even though it fell on a wednesday and thursday) and it was beautiful although i may have broken my foot.

    but i have obamacare so i may hobble up the hill and have it removed. i think i need new sneakers. i think i wore out the spring. theres spring in my step, dont get me wrong, but i think it’s gone outta the shoe. maybe i should buy the shoe first then see the doc.

    anyways i dont think imma apply for that job because im not here to make anyone uncomfortable. thats not the super power i wanna have. i wanna have the one where i help inspire people to be their best selves. cheesy as that may sound. but it’s true and those were the best jobs ive had.

  2. Thursday, March 7, 2019

    today is my last day with The Academy 

    For a guy who used to go to the corner of Hollywood & Highland on Oscar Sunday to try to snap a glimpse of the red carpet, you can imagine the thrill of ending up getting an All Access pass for several years to document it on Instagram and Snapchat.

    The rest of the year I covered our events; interviewed members; shone a light on the incredible archive, library, and forthcoming museum. And of course posted content on all our social channels.

    But best of all I got to work with some of the smartest and talented people you could meet. Seriously. I learned so much from them from so many aspects of the history of cinema to what works (and doesn’t work) when building online communities.

    Shout out to Josh Spector who hired me and gave me the freedom to post 3-4 times a day pretty much anything I wanted. He also set up a department that had creative graphic designers, an amazing video team led by the super cool Ryan Velásquez, and an IT dev team.

    So when you see on my resume that our Instagram followers increased by over 4,000% during my 5 years it wasn’t just because I was posting pics of McLovin. It was a team effort in every way.

    For a while I sat next to Nathaniel Thompson. At a place like AMPAS there are movie buffs, true geniuses of film. Nate not only knew his movies but also music, tv, and how to write about it quickly and cleanly. When I posted the Genie you’re free, it was after brainstorming a little with Nate and following the general instruction of Josh to try to start using movie quotes with a still from the film. It ended up reaching over 68 million people. My mom saw it on Good Morning America. I got emails of congratulations from the executive floor but it was a team effort – like all hits are.

    Speaking of my mom, taking her to the Oscars was one of the best things in my whole life and I’m so grateful to the Academy for being generous to their employees with tickets. Pretty much the best perk a job could give.

    The last year i was in the office I sat next to Rosalyn Hummel, another freaking brainiac and bookworm who just happens to know everything about the history of US presidents and presidential libraries (!?).

    I’m grateful that I got to work with Matt Severson, and Anne Coco and everyone at the library. And I’ll never forget setting nitrate film on fire with May Hong Haduong.

    This job was the longest one I’ve ever had. My third day George Lucas said hi to me. And as cool as that was it was just as cool talking with Joe Rendon and watching Lauren C Selman create magic.

    I have no idea what’s next for me, but this one will be hard to top.

  3. Tuesday, October 30, 2018

    pros and cons of working from home 

    pros: strangely less distracting as i never turn on the tv or radio. my home office is a quiet little sweatshop.

    cons: i miss all the people.

    pros: no need for pants!

    cons: i was getting headaches because my face is smooshed into this bigass macbook pro.

    pros: i learned that the 99 cent store has a generic version of Excedrin that knocks that headache into last week.

    pros: no need for shirts!

    cons: i eat way more.

    pros: but i am spending less because eating at home is way cheaper.

    cons: there are way more people at your work that you meet than you think, and i miss them.

    pros: if someone says, meet me at noon across town for that thing you wanna do for that secret project you dont need to ask permission or get time off, you just say hell yeah bro, and you’re there.

    cons: you’re out of the loop.

    pros: the loop distracted you from the things you really wanted to do anyways. the loop is overrated.

    cons: you work all night and on the weekends when you work from home.

    pros: sometimes your girlfriend is off in the middle of the week and you can hang with you as you work and that may be the best of all.

    cons: she probably misses her alone time at the crib.

  4. Wednesday, April 26, 2017

    am i cursed with pride 


    when you know you’re right, what do you do

    of course you stand up for yourself

    of course you don’t just roll over

    for those who lack courage





    of course you fight fight fight.

    imagine if david byrne said i have a dream

    and jonathan demme said, but that sounds like a nightmare

    would byrne have said oh, lets appease all of your darkest fears

    instead of reach for the highest star

    if he had his name wouldnt have been david byrne

    it would have been phil collins.

    be david byrne.

    and if you can’t,

    be jonathan demme and make dreams come true.

  5. Sunday, March 12, 2017

    tell us more about the 80s tony 

    it’s weird being the old guy in the office

    it’s weird being in an office

    it’s weird being at the oscars

    it’s weird still blogging

    it’s weird how wifi works

    it’s weird that this can instantly be published around the world

    it’s weird to think that some people, who could feed the whole country, don’t.

    it’s weird to think

    it’s weird how much my new tire costs

    it’s weird what kind of car i drive

    maybe we shouldn’t even day dream when we’re young

    because if you’re doing it right,

    nothing ever turns out the way you thought it would.

  6. Saturday, March 4, 2017
  7. Tuesday, January 24, 2017

    i made it 

    i woke up at 3am

    got in the shower around 3:20am

    got to work at 4am

    was eating delicious bacon at 4:13am

    we started our noms around 5:15am

    all was well

    now im exhausted

    we saw the sun rise

    everyone was happy

    everyone said how great everyone was

    someone said how many people saw it

    i said

    1.5 million

    everyone laughed

    now im eating left over eggs and potatoes

    god is good

    life is nice

    now im trying to get my butt back home

    so sleepy.


  8. Monday, January 23, 2017
  9. Saturday, January 14, 2017

    yesterday was elisas last day at work and patrick j dropped by 

    so a bunch of us went to Natalee Thai on robertson and olympic

    usually the primo thai joint in 90210

    a close second going to tuk tuk thai

    the place was packed

    they sat us in the back.

    when the food came out it was hot

    spicy hot like omg

    then it got really hot

    i drank coke. then ate rice.

    people were crying.

    i was crying.

    my sinuses cleared and a truck went through them.

    my ears cleared and i could hear again.

    hair grew on my chest. and my ears, but the fire singed it all, which was nice.

    i asked for a to go bag but

    i threw it out at work and the trash can caught fire.

    and then the fire caught fire.

    but its sinuses cleared.

  10. Monday, October 3, 2016

    mary came to my work today 

    maryand she dolled herself up real good to meet Oscar

    as you know she has a little fluffy doggie named Oscar so she wanted to meet his cousin

    i think she thought we were really gonna break open a case and let her go home with one, but instead of that i brought she and her smokin hot friend to our theater lobby and they took pics next to one of the giant statues.

    after all that nonsense we drove to lunch and mama mia how does mary’s boyfriends do it?

    this girl is nonstop energy the whole time

    funny jokes under her breath

    crazy schemes

    she knows all the movers and shakers. she has questions that she answers herself.

    she ordered a win with a side of ice because she knew the wine wouldnt be good.

    she asked for the salad because she thinks shes fat.

    i was all, baby if youre fat then all of america is fat

    ALL AMERICA IS FAT! she screamed and birds flew from the trees

    my fish was divine and every time marys friend told me her name i instantly forgot it.

    i kept calling her Juanita.

    Juanita is an Aquarius from Afghanistan. amazing eyes, great fashion choices and smart as a tack.

    i friend requested her on facebook and i dont think she will accept me.

    i dont blame her.

    i paid for lunch for all of us but when we got back to the car there was a ticket on it.

    mary was all, why didnt you put money in my meter?

    i didnt know i was supposed to.

    she said you drove my car, everyone knows the driver has to pay the meter!

    i do? i guess i do now.

    but it looks like our trip to vegas to see britney spears at the planet hollywood isnt going to happen bc they hate me now. and thats how the cookie crumbles.

    oh well, i still have my plantains in my doggie bag.