nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, October 3, 2016

    mary came to my work today 

    maryand she dolled herself up real good to meet Oscar

    as you know she has a little fluffy doggie named Oscar so she wanted to meet his cousin

    i think she thought we were really gonna break open a case and let her go home with one, but instead of that i brought she and her smokin hot friend to our theater lobby and they took pics next to one of the giant statues.

    after all that nonsense we drove to lunch and mama mia how does mary’s boyfriends do it?

    this girl is nonstop energy the whole time

    funny jokes under her breath

    crazy schemes

    she knows all the movers and shakers. she has questions that she answers herself.

    she ordered a win with a side of ice because she knew the wine wouldnt be good.

    she asked for the salad because she thinks shes fat.

    i was all, baby if youre fat then all of america is fat

    ALL AMERICA IS FAT! she screamed and birds flew from the trees

    my fish was divine and every time marys friend told me her name i instantly forgot it.

    i kept calling her Juanita.

    Juanita is an Aquarius from Afghanistan. amazing eyes, great fashion choices and smart as a tack.

    i friend requested her on facebook and i dont think she will accept me.

    i dont blame her.

    i paid for lunch for all of us but when we got back to the car there was a ticket on it.

    mary was all, why didnt you put money in my meter?

    i didnt know i was supposed to.

    she said you drove my car, everyone knows the driver has to pay the meter!

    i do? i guess i do now.

    but it looks like our trip to vegas to see britney spears at the planet hollywood isnt going to happen bc they hate me now. and thats how the cookie crumbles.

    oh well, i still have my plantains in my doggie bag.

  2. Tuesday, June 21, 2016

    im going to miss a deadline tomorrow at work 

    safe in hell

    it makes me sad because i always hit my deadlines.

    but this is a different type of assignment. it’s long and involved. and even though we knew about it a month ago, i had three other assignments between then and now, plus i had to work far longer on those than i expected.

    and worse of all, this one, like i said, is long and involved. and i know nothing about it.

    and my stomach was in knots all day today and a little yesterday because of it.

    sometimes a situation appears in front of you and you know how to work with it. 99% of the time i drive i know several different routes to where we need to go if disaster strikes. thats why im always cool behind the wheel.

    in this scenario, i knew everything was against me. most of all, time.

    with me, there is often a little spark of magic that strikes when i write things


    from day one on this thing, a month ago, there was no magic, ever. it was all work.

    dig dig dig, polish, place.

    one sentence after another. it literally would take hours for a sentence.

    mostly because it has to be true. and accurate. and well written. and with proof.

    so you read read read. talk talk. google read google. then you have a sentence.

    i even talked to experts but they were on a different plane.

    our planes never intertwined.

    last week my plane and the other dudes planes were doing loop di loos together.

    any question i had there was an answer. anywhere i wanted to go, he was there too.

    it was different because he had little two sentence answers, which is quotable but i wanted to get deep.

    so i realized i needed several followups.

    this was harder. still is. i have tonight and i have tomorrow to see what last minute miracle happens.

    and hopefully i got over the tough transition today, but im still not sure.

    heres my biggest fear about it: i dont want kids looking at it while doing research if its not fucking great.

    as someone who dealt with less than fucking great materials when i was a kid,

    i dont wanna be that guy to them.

  3. Thursday, June 9, 2016

    i interviewed a great photographer yesterday for work 

    just be coolnext week we will publish it.

    he’s lived, in many ways, a blessed life, and i told him that

    he didnt deny it.

    he got to hang and work with warhol, mae west, groucho

    i asked him about new technology and did he adapt to it.

    he said he had to, but he also leaned on his assistants to do that sort of thing.

    he said he loves the dark room and thinks all young photographers should spend some time in there

    i asked if he still spends time in there.

    he said no.

    i asked if there was ever a picture that he didn’t take?

    he said i dont know what you mean.

    i said at the oscars this year i was running around trying to find leo dicaprio so i could snapchat him real quick for the kids, and as i was looking i saw sly stallone at the bar

    and he looked totally dejected because he didnt win in his category

    it had been 40 years since he was last nominated. and there he was with a beer on the bar. not drinking it. and he was looking right at me with his sad eyes

    and he was all alone. and i could have taken the picture and it would have been great

    the ultimate agony of defeat pic, but i felt so badly for him that i didnt take it.

    i said have you ever been in that situation?

    he said, yes, i was once having dinner with audrey hepburn…

    if theres one thing i love love love love love about my job and hollywood and beverly hills and LA

    it’s that people can always top my stories.


  4. Friday, May 27, 2016

    adios Patrick J 

    patrick and the ladies

    yesterday we said goodby to Patrick J, the young drupal developer who was swooped up by our competitor

    Patrick had worked with us for about a year and a half. quiet, unassuming, brilliant.

    we would go to lunch all the time and talk about Tesla, iphone apps, and the east coast

    the weird thing is, when i originally saw his resume and corresponding personal site

    i didnt think we should hire him.

    that kid is too quiet and his site has pretty much nothing on it i said

    so, they asked?

    i said he is hiding something.

    turned out he WAS hiding something.

    he was hiding that he was probs the best drupal developer around.

    sad to see him go but excited to see what he will do for them.

    rock on Patrick J, thanks for showing me Natalie Thai

  5. Tuesday, March 1, 2016

    do you know i love you? i do. 

    red carpetfor all the glamour and elegance, flashing lights and cleavage, working the oscars is for many many many people hard work and we all go through emotions.

    at first i was excited, then i got nervous, the night before my stomach felt like it had a softball in it.

    at first i thought it was bad crew food but it hung in there so i went to, not my favorite thai restaurant,

    but a known lessor.

    i needed a Tom Kah Kha soup that was, perhaps, a little neglected.

    i wanted to fight fire with fire, basically.

    so i ate it and i drank a lot of a water and i prayed. in the morning it felt a little better but i was nervous.

    any time i would even nibble on anything it upset the diminishing beast in my belly so i didnt eat until well after lunch. meanwhile i was eating tums. shoutout to whoever invented tums. #fanluv

    about an hour before showtime the spread they lay out outside the press rooms had arrived and i took a big plate of shrimp and that didn’t destroy me so after a little work i ran back down there and got another plate.

    all clear everywhere and i was so relieved i started eating everything and it was delicious.

    i even had one designer mixed drink around midnight at the ball

    and i spilled a little out for tha brothers

    and the readers of the busblog

  6. Monday, February 29, 2016

    when the vice president is back stage 

    biden gaga

    and for some reason you’re back stage,

    you’ll see well dressed big burly men in reflective glasses.

    even indoors. even in the darkness of backstage. even at night.

    and when you’re doing something normal like looking at lady gagas white piano

    one of them might say to you, can we get a little space please.

    and you’ll back up and you’ll hear and then see 3-4 more burley men walking with purpose

    and then the vice president of the united states

    who will turn to you and see that you are filming

    and say, hi guy.

    and behind him will be 3-4 more men

    one of them carrying a small bag, inside is something square.

    a toaster? does the vp enjoy special toast?

    an extremely thick book?

    two boxes of air jordans?

    or, is it a telephone that cannot get hacked

    that goes straight to wherever the president is?

    or is that really The Button? is The Button actually a box?

    if something happens to the president,

    is it important for the VP to be able to push the button in a split second?

    these are the things that i think about when i see things.

    which is why i should probably get some rest now that our show has aired.

  7. Saturday, February 27, 2016

    lets say youre a famous star 

    green room

    and you’re presenting at the Oscars and you just need a little tiny bit of peace to go over your lines or chill before you take the stage

    and get on tv in front of a billion people

    well then the Oscars Rolex Green Room is for you!

    conveniently located backstage (stage right) of the curtain, the greenroom is actually two beautiful rooms.

    the first, as you see above has couches, a bar, and a sitting room where you can be with your manager, your acting coach, your wife, whoever as you wait to be called onto the stage

    the other room is in the back, it has a tv a couch, an a picture of Beyonce to inspire you.

    it even has a working fireplace (that part might not be true, but it sure looks like it’s working).

    the whole thing is heavily protected, locked down, and quiet despite all the noises and bluster happening all around the backstage area.

    speaking of, gotta go.

    more pics on our Tumblr

  8. Thursday, February 25, 2016

    i dont understand people who dont love hollywood blvd 

    super fanto me it’s the best street in LA by far

    you’ll see people in costume, sunburnt euro tourists, homeless strangers, pickpockets,

    businessmen, politicians, superstars, students, hooter girls, impersonators, commuters,

    guys dressed up as thor

    and even academy award super fans like this lady who i wanted to get to know but i was actually sorta in a meeting on the red carpet and i had to excuse myself and take a picture of her because


    is the reason i love hollywood, hollywood blvd, and the scene around hollywood & highland

    i love these people because theyre having fun in a place where there isnt very much to do.

    sure you can shop and eat and look but you cant really do.

    so people walk around and some of them think that this is what LA is and who knows maybe it is (it’s not) and its not really glamorous, in fact it’s kinda the opposite of glamorous most of the time.

    but once a year some of the most glamorous people in the world dress up as great as they can and everyone watches it on tv and some people get super into it.

    and if theres something i love its when people get really into something. so hats off to you oscar superfan lady.

  9. Thursday, January 14, 2016

    i made it 

    goldwyn theater

    this morning was noms. i got to sleep around 10:30pm last night. woke up at 3:13am!!!! took a quick shower and hit the road.

    very proud of myself because i do NOT get to sleep early on command.

    but one thing led to another and boom i was asleep.

    once i was on the streets of Hollywood, it was a dream.

    not a car in sight!

    so i cranked the Metallica and shot this little snapchat for yr ass

    there was so little traffic that i just took Sunset all the way down to Doheny which is usually a suckers move cuz you’ll get stuck at La Brea and then Crescent Heights  and then for surely along the Strip.

    but when no ones there you can pass the Rainbow, see that all of the sweet flowers are still out for Lemmy

    realize that one can still turn around, and take a picture and be on time for work

    lemmy tribute

    so there you go Motörheads.

    got to the garage there was a security guard in front of it, which is odd.

    i rolled down my window and said, xbi

    and he stepped aside.

    parked in the best spot in the whole place

    that i took a picture because that never happens

    best parking space

    got to the office and totally forgot that we give all the press delicious breakfast

    (in my mind the breakfast is for me)

    and took a picture of them because every other day that i arrive that room is empty

    the press

    got my breakfast, did my job, high fived ppl after we didnt screw anything up

    and as i was driving home a huge wave of fatigue hit me

    even though i had slept well the night before i was pooped.

    so i got home and took a nice nap with the kittens

    and was very happy that JJL, the screenwriters of Straight Outta Compton, and Mad Max got nominated.

    one thing ive learned from being around and studying the history of the Oscars: theres always surprises.

  10. Wednesday, January 13, 2016

    tonight is the hardest night of the year 

    mercedes cup holders

    i like where i work. im surrounded by very nice, smart people. we get to get dolled up a few times a year and celebrate excellence, creativity, and fun.

    but once a year we have these nominations at 5 o’clock in the morning.

    which means i should go to sleep right about now.

    but im a grown ass man, unless im reading a book or on a plane, aint no way im falling asleep at 8:31pm

    i lucked out, i dont have to be in there till 4am.

    not everyone has it like this. in fact the guy i sit next to gets in there in a few hours.

    the good news is it’s electric to be in the building when all those names are being called out.

    and also, the breakfast thats provided, is delicious.