nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, July 10, 2015

    today is xTx’s birthday, she’s my hero 

    xtxxTx does everything i wish i could do. she does all the things i preach – but don’t do. wont do. cant do.

    she writes creatively from her heart. she keeps it real. she writes about



    she uses curse words. lets her mind flow. not only goes into the dark crevices of her gray matter but explores in there. sets up a base camp. hangs out. eats dehydrated meals in there. maps out the particularly odd spots.

    she names the places that she loves after greek poets. she is not afraid to delve deeper, set off explosions and then research how the rocks fell and the birds flew away and how the dust settled.

    she writes under an assumed name (her Christian name is TxT). she plays with herself and tape records it and plays it backwards and adds a beat and horns and cowbells and sends it to The Weeknd who then remixes it.

    xTx shows other bloggers that not only can you kick ass on blogspot but you can turn that into books and speaking engagements and magazine spots and soon to be major motion pictures starring her stink finger.

    she is more of a man than i ever will be. she is more courageous than that guy who took the balloon to the edge of the stratosphere and then jumped.


    because xTx has no parachute. just a fake name. thats all. and fake stories.

    but we all have fake stories.

    so why dont we tell them? why are we so afraid when we all have the parachute of nothing in here is true?

    because we lack the one thing that xTx has in spades

    the desire to get it all out there.

    and i love her for that.

    and you do too.

  2. Monday, March 2, 2015

    today xTx came out with another book 

    xtxher last book was the best book i read that year

    so im sure this book will be the best book i read this year, which is why i bought it

    and why you should too.

    xTx is like quentin tarantino of writing stuff down, it’s at times brutal, and often beautiful.

    there are very few people who i think, i might never write as good as them,

    xTx is at the top of that list, and i heart her for that because i know she must practice a lot.

    she inspires me to keep blogging and maybe one day write another book, not so that i can compete with her but so i can break out of whatever shell the devil has convinced me to walk into.

    the good Lord wants us to write. that was the message ive gotten from xTx’s stories. He wants us to write because when we do we show the world that even though we look like the typical next door neighbor, we are filled with amazing insights and fascinating lies.

    we remind the world that the world is more than the world. it’s four dimentional

    the fourth wall being a waterbed

    and it’s heated.

    xTx reminds us that the days are going to pass anyhow, may as well be working on something, particularly something interesting and powerful. i ordered her book this afternoon and it was the easiest purchase i made next to buying kitty litter: it’s an of course.

    very few things in life are like that that doesnt involve poop.

  3. Tuesday, January 8, 2013

    first book imma read all the way thru in 2013 is gonna be xTx’s 

    billie the bull

    this summer after “knowing” each other a good 20-30 years
    xTx and i finally met each other IRL at a holiday party in the sky

    people say that they see me or saw me or thought they saw me
    which is fine since i dont really keep that many things private

    but when i got the txt from her that she saw me
    standing on a balcony
    i looked around and said
    i suppose I AM on a balcony right now!
    (6845 del playa, fyi)

    and soon we were actually meeting each other in real life
    and it was very nice.

    today her new book
    billie the bull came out and the postman delivered mine today
    and i cant wait to put it in my pocket
    roll my laundry down to lucy’s
    and do my damn wash and read
    billie the bull!

    little books in 2013!!!!

  4. Tuesday, July 10, 2012

    today is xTx’s birthday, shes 33 

    born on another dimension, in another time, in a different star system

    xTx was sent to this planet to shake up the blogosphere and delight readers

    with adult rated tales of beach life in southern california.

    but unlike all the others and the fakers and the wanna be’s

    ironically, xTx, is the real deal, despite never revealing her true identity.

    one thing lead to another on Independence day and after decades yours truly was lucky enough

    to meet the woman behind the writing and it was fantastic.

    fireworks exploded, bottles were popped, and fortunately no animals were hurt.

    karisa was mere feet away but was busy, it was like a Snuffleupagus sighting

    only i saw.

    it was for my eyes only.

    later i saw some graffiti on an electric box and i said ah someone else musta seen her too

    i wonder if they knew.

    happy birthday xTx! keep leading the way!

  5. Sunday, July 8, 2012

    vote xTx, pass the word 

    angus young and keith richards

    your girl xTx, right before your eyes,

    has turned into one of the best writers publishing online

    in the entire world.

    im not sure she even has 1 peer.

    she comes at you with a dagger in one hand and a sledge hammer in the other

    darts fly out of her bikini top

    she has a robot army of kamikaze baby pelicans

    diving down out of the sky

    of love.

    all of it is in the name of love.

    extremely dirty and twisted love, but love never the less.

    right now theres a chance for you to vote for her


    her robot army thinks you should go for it.

  6. Thursday, July 5, 2012

    my nutritionist had a small bash at her home for the 4th 

    whipped cream

    and almost to taunt me she whips out

    super fancy whipped cream.

    but not just any super fancy whipped cream.

    super fancy alcohol infused whipped cream

    and then shoots it into her mouth.

    as if she would let me get away with such shenanegans.

    but before all that went down, i got to meet someone who i never really thought

    id ever meet ever.

    X T X !!!!!

    she was all twittering me and i was tweeting back

    but i didnt think she was being for serious.

    and then all of a sudden at the foot of the balcony there she was

    and to be honest not at all what i expected (i thought she was black – like mariah)

    instead shes asian (like lisa liu)

    and we hugged and said hi but then the fireworks were gonna go

    so we peaced out. super fast but super nice. yay!!


    she says it was 12 years that we’ve known each other via the interweb

    but i think it was longer than that.

    i think it was not 2000, but like 1994ish

    back in the days where AOL charged you by the hour

    and people had 14.4 and 28.8 modems that were slow as the dmv

    you aged waiting for stuff to load.

    i would click a button and make a sandwich.

    i made a lot of sandwiches.

    anyways XTX is real people. and awesome. horray!!

  7. Sunday, March 20, 2011

    running in the rain 

    this was the scene this morning on sunset blvd a few miles from my house as i snoozed away listening to the delightful raindrops plopping outside

    the la marathon had some of its fastest times thanks to the mild temps and rainy conditions

    runners told the tv reporters that they were only cold when they stood still to talk, ahem.

    the male winner got $125k and a honda
    the female winner got $25k and a honda

    both were from africa and their english was as good as the weather.

    im still reading xTx’s book, so shhhh. its engrossing, sexy, and way more intense than i was prepared for.

    video: the eastsider la

  8. Monday, February 28, 2011

    this makes me so happy 

    a book

    xTx has been a “friend” since before most of you kids have been alive.

    funny thing though, we have never actually physically met.

    in some ways that makes things better because, whereas some want to love you for your image, or your fancy clothes, or fast cars, its not like that for me and my beach city amiga.

    i know that xTx loves me for my mind. and the words that come out of that crazy place.

    and likewise, it has been pure joy watching her rise from the bowels of AOL poetry message boards and take the blogosphere by storm.

    and heres a book. a little tiny book you can hold in your hand. and inside? all xTx – will it be dirty? probs. will it be nsfw? hopefully. will it be fantastic: guaranteed.

    somehow the book sold out even before it went on sale. that sort of mystery intrigues me. i hope shes making a second printing cuz it was such a nice feeling to have this waiting for me next to my bills bills bills.

    congrats xTx, i will run home and enjoy this as i soak in my tub.