my favorite movie reviewer on YouTube for 2020 is Chris Stuckmann

Here he takes apart the new Wonder Woman movie in a thoughtful, careful, thorough manner.

i suppose it’s why he has over 1.8 million subscribers.

1.8 million subscribers is quadruple what the LA Times’ youtube channel currently has.

the LA Times has a staff of talented, award-winning, super-connected journalists photographers and video experts

and yet one guy in his spare room,

wearing a Blockbuster Video t-shirt laps them.

why?

are they doing everything wrong?

are they not putting their right people in front of the camera?

despite all the “young” people they’ve hired in digital, do they still not get it?

i think the main problem is the Times isn’t really used to paying attention to the audience.

Few newspapers are used to doing that.

Also: audiences change what they want.

Often.

i think ive figured out my problem

when people ask rhetorical questions on Twitter, i think they’re talking to me.

so i answer.

and when i see videos of people struggling to make it in LA,

i want to help.

but here are the two things that come to my mind when i see something like this guy who drove here

and sleeps in his car and wakes up and does delivery for Postmates and Uber Eats

if i had a backyard guest house, and i let him live there, doesn’t that ruin his shitch?

but i also think, how excellent would it be if everyone treated everyone like that

because who, then, wouldn’t want to vagabond the crust

and sleep in peoples backyard man caves?

they say the problem with Libras are our minds are tooooo open.

there are too many options and possibilities.

that it’s hard to make a choice.

but maybe because im on the scorpio cusp, i dont have that problem

i usually know what i want.

i want to help.

i sent him some money and my email address.

he’s doing a lot of things totally wrong

but he’s also seeing things that most of us take for granted like venice, the hollywood reservoir (i havent even been there), the free showers at the beach.

it’s funny though. right now COVID is whalloping LA and amber, finally, is understanding the magnitude, so she’s paranoid to go to the post office.

GOOD!

so i told her we should just taskrabbit it. hire someone $20 to go to the post office for us.

“i dont wanna make someone else get COVID because i didnt wanna go out there.”

but then i saw this guy and i was all, fuckit, just get him to do it. he’s already out there.

and who couldn’t use $20 for such a simple task?

i could probably also give him some extra pillows and a coat.

towels. who knows.

it’s Christmas.

amber was telling me how there are two kinds of people

one kind who wants very much for people to love them

the other kind does not give one shit what people think of them.

she said she loves me because i dont care

she said look at your clothes

look how you keep this apartment so junky

you walk outside with no shoes and no shirt and talk to anybody

look at how you decorate. pictures of the most random people and old girlfriends

everyone else instagrams fancy coffee and steak dinners.

you take pictures at mcdonalds.

and everybody loves you.

why dont you care?

i said watch college basketball players on the free throw line.

college arenas are intensely loud and the fans behind the glass backboard have super funny signs

and weird pictures and they’re doing bizarre things

in hopes that the guy at the free throw line will lose his concentration.

the ones who can ignore all the terrible things they’re shouting

wins

and maybe becomes a pro.

to me going pro means going to heaven.

i only want to please Jesus.

and Jesus wants me to rock.

ive been watching people on youtube who flip things

they’ll go to garage sales, thrift stores and estate sales and buy things and run home and sell it on ebay.

the more professional ones will also have an amazon seller account so they can sell them there too.

watching these guys made me want to see if i could first sell all the crap I have in my house and then maybe i could think about being a junk flipper like my hero fred g sanford.

as i was watching one of these guys i noticed i had this Obama action figure, still in the box, under the tv.

so i looked on ebay to see how many other people were selling them. Just one guy… for $190 shipped.

like me, the guy is super honest and mentions that a corner of the box is slightly damaged… just like mine is.

but inside, obi wan obama is experiencing no drama.

for some reason i went to amazon to see if they sold it there still, after four years, and not only do they, but it reminded me that that’s where i bought this… for $16.34

however their resellers are selling it for between $400-$450. so this is what i’m thinking. i’m thinking about writing a less dramatic ebay headline than

Obama Star Wars Rare Jedi Knight Figure Purple lightsaber New In box has damage

and list it at $325. i’ll show them the minor blemish on the corner and if they choose to go for the $200 one, fine. scram. now i have the lowest price Obama and i will profit over $300.

millions of people love our greatest black president.

there are two who want this super rare weird action figure.

there are treasures on youtube if you look hard

his name is Clint Miller, an Army veteran who appears to make a pretty good living buying palettes of returned Amazon products and selling them on eBay

what’s different about Clint is he enjoys teaching others how to do it too via his popular YouTube channel, Franchise Kicks

nearly every day Clint makes a video of how many boxes of random stuff he bought from Amazon, what he thinks he will make from it, and what he’ll throw away or keep.

sometimes he’ll get lucky and it’s a smart watch in a shabby box

sometimes he’ll get unlucky and it’s an article of clothing coated with a healthy layer of pet hair

so part of the joy of watching him dig through his daily haul is living vicariously through him, true

but the other part is getting to know this gregarious, seemingly happy, generous man

who has figured out how to flip the richest man in the world’s trash

and turn it into his treasure.

and it’s simple, according to Clint: just do it.

just buy a small box, he advises, something for, say $58. and then list them on ebay.

“the best thing about this is literally anyone can do it,” he said in a recent video to his viewers.

despite having 164,000 subscribers, his videos only average about 25k views,

but one last week, “I bought TWO 450 Pound Amazon Customer Return Pallets Valued at OVER $2,500” was seen over 200,000 times.

why? who knows. it’s a big bald guy taking things off the back of his pickup truck for a half hour in sweltering heat,

while showing a single camera if any of it was good.

we’re rooting for him, because we are rooting for our future selves. we want to believe that there is money in rolling the dice on gently used – and sometimes new – stuff that all we have to do is list, ship, and profit from.

while keeping some good stuff for ourselves.

we are rooting for us.

we see ourselves in him. our best selves.

once a week he has been doing videos of boxes of gifts his fans send him

he does it in front of his enormous shoe collection.

not only is the internet wild, and bizarre

but it is filled with love.

someone noticed he got ripped off of something, so they sent them theirs.

someone else drew a beautiful picture of him

someone else bought him a new knife for opening his boxes with.

who doesn’t love Clint?

well, it is YouTube, probably the most rude social media channel when it comes to comments

so there are some in there who make jabs at him.

can’t win them all.

Clint took to Twitter to admit that it does bum him out a bit.

we’re all human. even an Army man has feelings.

so i think im gonna send him a mystery box of my own. some fan mail from one cub fan to another.

His UPS box is: 484 E. Carmel Dr. #127 Carmel, IN 46032

Rock on Clint, YouTube star and dream maker, who, when he has earned some spending money,

pays what it takes to get some of the Avengers to autograph toys for him

dont ever change.

my favorite magazine, black webmaster, dm’ed me

jacarandawait, are you really looking for a job?

yes, are you all hiring there?

no.

thats ok.

how did you lose your job?

when the xbi wants you, things happen in their favor.

arent you a little old for the xbi?

i wish.

so what are you gonna do?

the way i see it, i have three options. sell out and go back to them, give up and move into my moms basement in chicago, or become a youtube star.

i hear it’s so cold in chicago that even the summers are cold now.

fool i aint going to my mommas basement.

so you’re going to rejoin the xbi?

no, im gonna be a youtube star.

do you know anything about video production, audio production, or video graphics? 

no. no. and no.

arent you a little too old to be a youtube star? 

nah, people of all ages do perfectly on youtube.

what’s gonna be your angle?

i’m going to walk around and talk to the people of LA.

you think people would want to watch that on youtube? aren’t podcasts the thing right now?

do i think people would want to see video of the most beautiful city in the world? is that what you asked me? and instead of letting them see it, all they get is my pretty voice?

there’s a lot of competition on youtube.

i fucking love competition.

who are you up against?

there’s three people who i wouldn’t say im up against, but people who i really like and i would know that i am successful if i am mentioned in the same breath as them

kevin nealon who goes hiking with celebs
179k subscribers

the hood russian who interviews people in the poorest parts of LA
190k subscribers

and alex from as it lays
2k subscribers

how are you gonna beat them?

pure luck, this time. it’s all gonna be based in luck.

 

 

fakers always quit

theres a youtube celebrity jackass named Logan Paul who fell into the trap of

instead of shining his fleeting light on others

chose to constantly try to one-up himself by being more and more obnoxious

and extreme

than all the other youtube jackasses including his jackass brother.

he did it by visiting japan and instead of showing his millions of fans

the beauty and culture and magic of the island

he instead took a walk inside the Sea of Trees

otherwise known as the Suicide Forest

which his cameras caught living up to its name.

when he posted the deceased hanging from a tree, the internet backlash was quick and sure.

it roundly called the 20something Paul an asshole

and he shot a video apologizing and then said he was going to take a little break from posting on youtube.

which, to me, proves that he is a faker.

a real youtube star never abandons his post.

did Tolstoy stop writing novels when his life got hard?

did Woody Allen stop making films?

not even death could stop 2Pac from rolling out hits, but Logan Paul,

the moment he becomes actually interesting

BY CUTTING THE BULLSHIT AND BEING REAL

logs off like a bitch.

this process that he is going through of wrestling between

Should I Stop Being A Clown

and

When Can I Go Back To Being a Worthless Clown

if done in a realistic manner, could be beneficial to the viewer and youtuber alike.

Van Gogh painted through this problems, not because of money money money

but because he was a painter.

all of these people who quit doing the thing that they allegedly are omg soooo awesome at

to me, seem like they were only in it for the money.

which is the most jackassy thing to be in it for.

everything is perpective, context, anticontext… and speed

this is called slow ass jolene

it’s dolly parton’s original of the white stripes classic

slowed down to make it sound like a

well

a man who youve never heard before

but sorta a woman

but definately not dolly parton even though thats exclusively who it is.

this is now the only song i wanna hear of dolly’s and its not even on a record

@rdio doesnt have it, only youtube does, and now you.

i want to hear the greatest hits of dolly now this way

and for sure yoko ono.

i want everything slowed down, and put on you tube.

toot suite